Love in Bangrass.

As Arun and I came in to work this morning, we bore witness to what I believe is new Punjabi kuddi love taking flight on campus.

My theory seems to have some emprical backing. Now that I think about it, whenever I am just walking in the vicinity of the main building lawn, there is this lady who always stands out in the open under the blazing after noon sun and has hour long conversations in hushed whispers with plenty of giggling. I have been casually curious about this new love slowly taking bloom; enough atleast to confess that I wasn't really "just walking" but "just walking on a recon expedition"!

So, anyway, today as I was "just walking" in a half-hour holding pattern just within ear-shot, I am happy to report that the relationship seems to have leapt from the unstated to the explicit. So, apparently every time she talks to this particular person on the phone, her head, I shall paraphrase " feels woozy" I can see how this would be taken as a compliment by the caller. Then again anything would pass off as one if my estimation of most smitten young lads is accurate. She could just as well attribute to him a mild itchy feeling between her toes.

While I quietly congratulated the caller on the returns to his perseverence, it suddenly hit me that I was sort of feeling a little woozy also. As any guy would, I concluded that I had just fallen madly in love by induction with this mystery caller whom I have never met or heard. I immediately panicked. Inductive romantic shimmer is a well documented fact I just never thought it could happen to me. I clung as an appeal to reason to all the times I had glanced a second time at a rather attractive male passer-by. At the number of times I had noticed the cologne the guy on the third floor of new building wore. And a driving internal impetus to not be a homophobe and to accept humanity in all it's forms.

I was also a little thirsty. Sure, I could do what years of Love struck Indian cinema protagonists have been doing and lick my lips in a slow seductive manner. Sure I could wipe the sweat of my brow, in an exaggerated purposeful motion. And then plot my next move in the destruction of the lady on the lawn, my competition! But then it hit me! The woozy feeling, the panting, the distant apparition of an Oasis! I was having a heat stroke!

I retired to the air-conditioned railway compartment of a lab I call, my lab. Only to realise that my all-encompassing passion was waning about as quickly as my elevated blood pressure. My true love it seems was only a case of early onset heat exhaustion!

The symptoms of love can be plenty, but just in case, you may want to check if they include,

* dry mouth and tongue
* no tears when crying
* no wet diapers for more than 3 hours
* sunken abdomen, eyes or cheeks
* high fever
* listlessness
* irritability
* skin that does not flatten when pinched and released
* headache
* dizziness
* disorientation, agitation or confusion
* sluggishness or fatigue
* seizure
* hot, dry skin that is flushed but not sweaty
* a high body temperature
* loss of consciousness
* rapid heart beat
* hallucinations

I am now concerned for the sustainability of our new couple, sure the sparks will fly on the back seat of his motorcycle in an afternoon Hosur road traffic jam, sure their love will seem undying during their honeymoon on the beaches of Goa. But, what happens when many years from now on a cool dark night, with the invigorating chill of early spring in the air and only the silent whirr of a Kaithan ceiling fan to keep them company. When she thinks to herself, in quiet desperation and temperate comfort, “where has the magic gone! Will it ever return. Maybe before I decided to take the plunge and commit my life to what was essentially a woozy fling. I should have ensured I was drinking plenty of fluids, drinking appropriate sports drinks to maintain electrolyte balance, wearing lightweight, tightly woven, loose-fitting clothing in light colors, scheduling vigorous activity for cooler times of the day!” “If only I had known!”

Well anyway, since I am now convinced that their love, is doomed by destiny and annular thermal cycles. And that mine is only passing dementia. I am kind of curious about who she is, Arun says she works with Desh. I should see if it is possible to invite her over to the auditorium some day for a movie or something. Maybe leave the fans off :)